evalangui: (Karma)


I have always enjoyed things I’m good at, no, not just good, good without trying, excellent when I do try. But it’s a risky business, being very good at something, what if you don’t measure up this time? What if you are not as good as you thought? Every opportunity is a chance to prove yourself but also to prove yourself wrong. There’s a freedom to doing and liking things that you’re not very good at instead, or just, you know, regular. Normal. If you’re never going to succeed then you can also never fail, you can be good sometimes and bad other times and it’s alright. I’m never going to be a professional skater, I can be in the ice and make a fool of myself and enjoy it, no reservations, no points besides itself. This is the way I feel about drawing, too. I always knew, even as an idea or an image got into my head and I spent hours trying to make a piece of paper take it in the right way. Even when some drabbling turned unusually good I knew it wasn’t me, it was not a perfectly controlled effort, it was just a happy accident that I had gotten it right even once. Trying to go to class to study this made me competitive and it ruined everything, I was a mess, it didn’t flow, it didn’t come. Until at one point I somehow got over myself and just tried something new (charcoal, ink), not copying like I was meant to do but taking inspiration pretty closely, a bit of something new to learn, a bit of something old so it’d feel mine and make sense. And I learned, I really did, in a way I don’t think I have since I was very young and learning how to draw horses from my mom. In a way that isn’t a exploration of the very same things, of the very same style again and again. And it feels wonderful, to know you’re getting somewhere personally, that you’re stretching yourself slowly and that you simply cannot fall.

If I could only convince myself of the same in regards to writing... maybe I would stop writing short-stories with arguments based on bonding fics and parodies and totally random magic and be able to write those epics I keep coming up with (one of those is based, although it does not contain, on mpregs). Although the one with the princess and the cheff could go either way, really.

I have to go back to researching the British universitary system now since I'm tired of going to ice-rinks only to discover they are closed to the point my legs hurt from walking.

Hope you're having a good day!

evalangui: (Default)
Today’s been the day for thoughtfulness about freedom of speech, first a librarian wrote a wonderfully reasoned but very PC letter to a customer who wanted to ban a picture book about a gay weeding, then Jazzypom wrote a post about the unspoken fandom prohibition on criticism since it’s a "safe space to have fun in" and "real life is hard enough", that leads to fandom being quite a hard and unsafe place to be for people who do not agree with the majority and feel not only hurt by others’ art, fiction and attitudes but are, furthermore (and not like in real life), not allowed to express that discomfort and disagreement freely without being labeled as "spoilsports". This led me to look something up and it turns out that it is actually a human right (Besides free speaking and free thinking)"to peacefully protest (speak against) a government or group".

Fandom can't simply "suspend" something like that in a real space (the internet is opposed to "real life" because it's virtual, not because it's not real, as in, doesn't exist). The right of protest or any human right can be suspended in a piece of fiction, sure, but fandom is not fictional.

If somebody wants a fictional space in the internet, a bit like a RPG, where criticism of any kind isn't valid then they can create it but the assumption that fandom in general is such a space is absurd. If something differs from the norm then you have to let people know about it, and in a community there should be agreement about it and there’s been so many bouts of disagreement about this, not just about things like Racefail but individual fans like [livejournal.com profile] furiosity and [livejournal.com profile] outlangi who wanted to be able to criticize fanfiction on the grounds original fiction can be criticized without being thought to be attacking anybody (and always offering the chance to the author to say they wanted to be in a fictional space without criticism).

And in this fictional space, where the normal RL rules don't apply there should be some kind of proper warning like "we don't accept any kind of criticism" or even "squee only", that's to say, non-charged language like "hate" but an unequivocal statement of intentions. That said, most of the time I feel like constricted by this implicit rule of "no criticism in fandom" and don't bother. And sometimes when I bother, because maybe it's a critical post I'm against, the fact that fandom doesn't have a widespread habit of criticism often makes it seem as if the critic is attacking (in the middle of all the fluff and squee any disagreement can seem harsh).

That said, and going back to the warnings debacle, I don't think anybody has to think about what others will feel when they read/see their art if they don't want to, I do but that is also a choice, proper warnings and all that are very nice but they are not a must. What is a must, for me, is freedom. I have often flinched and more while reading fic or fandom posts but I know someone wrote those things because they are meaningful and enjoyable to them and it's fine, and I, in turn, should be able to tell them "you should use a spellchecker" or "I don't think this character would ever do that", neither their writing nor my writing is in itself an attack and shouldn’t be interpreted as so as long as they are reasonably and politely worded and their intent is clear.

Nobody has to be careful of what they say because it might be hurtful, they probably should try to but it’s not an obligation. What is it’s to give others the same right to speak freely, even if it hurts you.
evalangui: (books)
Llevo rato tratando de encontrar una obra de teatro infantil llamada "El Príncipe Elige" de Teresa Nonnel, pero resulta que no sólo es una obra ficticia en el sentido normal sino que también lo es en el sentido que sólo existe dentro de la serie de televisión "Física o Química", uno de mis placeres culpables desde hace un par de meses (la gigantesca subtrama gay de la que dicha obra de teatro es la culminación explica claramente *porqué*, imagino). La última vez que me creí que algo ficticio era real fue hace un par de meses con Hallucinating Foucault/La locura de Foucault cuando pensé que uno de los protagonistas (un escritor francés) era real y la obra era ficticia pero semi-biográfica. ¿A dónde voy con esto? A que la verdad para mí es infinitamente más extraña e increíble que la ficción, lo cual es natural, la realidad no tiene que tener sentido (as far as I can tell it makes an effort not to make sense). Pronto también termina Stargate Atlantis, que formulaica como es y aunque sólo vaya por la mitad de la cuarta temporada y la que termine sea la quinta, también va a ser una despedida. En la vida real nunca me despido de nada a lo que realmente amo, no sé cómo despedirme, incluso cuando me importa y me creo que es una despedida real no sé cómo hacerlo (Y cuando lo que se va importa no despedirse jode bastante, no sé cómo será la otra opción, calculo que más o menos igual de jodida).

Sí, se me murió gente (dos de mis abuelos) pero no puedo despedirme, no puede acabarse porque yo estoy viva y están mi cabeza tanto como antes, que no era mucho porque nos llevábamos muchísima edad y vivíamos en distintos continentes y la nostalgia sólo me roza y nunca me corta. Quizás tengo demasiada imaginación para creerme que algo se pueda acabar de verdad, en la vida real o en la ficción, y eso me hace la victima ideal del fandom, del fanfic y de las anecdotas repetidas mil vecés.

Si el propósito de las historias, originariamente, era preservar los logros de la humanidad, entonces quizá no puedan morir ni desaparecer cosas que se siguen contando y quizás sólo se pueda mantener algo o alguien con vida contando historias sobre ellos (por eso nunca hablo de ciertas cosas). Por eso no quiero mirar noticieros, prefiero no enterarme de lo que está pasando en el mundo la mayor parte del tiempo, porque *esas* historias no sirven para mantener a nadie con vida, sirven para matar, a gente que realmente ya está muerta pero que no va a dejar de estarlo por salir en el noticiero porque los noticieros no son historias, no se repiten y se atesoran y se estructuran y se les da sentido hasta que la tragedia duele pero duele con sentido. Esas no-historias solo parecen servir para desesperanzar, a estas alturas ya no pueden concienciar a nadie, todos sabemos y aceptamos que el mundo es un desastre y con quinientas tragedias disponibles difícilmente se nos va a ocurrir que podemos cambiar algo.

La vida real es un sinsentido demasiado grande para ser convertida en ficción y yo no quiero acordarme de ese sinsentido, no quiero repetirlo y mantenerlo con vida. No creo que haya nada que nadie pueda hacer para destruirlo, para darle un sentido, nada real, al menos (y los dioses sólo sirven si crees en ellos). Quiero los pedacitos de realidad que alguien ya digirió porque quiero un poco de humanidad en mi dolor, no puedo ver humanidad en los desastres que inundan el mundo, sobre todo porque la mayoría son causados por personas. Quiero creer en alguna parte que todo es redimible, que siempre hay una salida y otra chance. La vida real no hace más que demostrar que no somos maravillosos, pero quiero creer que podemos llegar a serlo.
evalangui: (Default)
I have been forced to thought about an issue that, truth be told, I have been wondering about anyway: Are labels appropiate or necessary? Is the lack of labels a problem? I think it is, words are what the world is make of for me and if something cannot be named it almos cannot exist, I found something [livejournal.com profile] darkmoon says in this presentation to be the perfect answer and I thought i would share and see if somebody has an opinion.

Read more... )

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evalangui

January 2012

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