evalangui: (Default)
10% I went to Notting Hill the other day, it was after I found out about Rullo, well, kinda, and I wanted to feel awed, instead I found it noisy and full of people and didn’t like it at all. Although there were lots of mementos from the movie(as in, things with Julia and Hugh on them, not actual recognizable things) butit felt touristic. The strawberries I got there were delicious though, and Iwalked for like 6 hours, all the way from Tottenham Court Road till Notting Hill (there’s this huge road that changes names twice) and I found bookshops and clothing stores and of course, a library (that was one of the main reasonsI planned to go there, besides the movie, which I rewatched in Italian) where Igot “The Judge and His composer” (hopefully Patricia Duncker is back on the “HallucinatingFoucault” track) and “The Thirteenth Tale”, which is apparently about writing/reading and twins both and which TrinityofOne recommended at the end of“Mirror Dance” (that fic is brilliant :)

30% I tried reading some yaoi, it didn’t govery well, the top/bottom binary thing is still annoying, everything so blackand white in manga. And then I went and found lots of gay-themed movies, which aren’t like, perfect, but dude, it’s progress!Read more... )
evalangui: (books)
A estas alturas imagino que todo el mundo sabe que estoy en Londres por un año como au pair. Unos detalles sobre lo que implica la situación: vivo con una familia de 3 (padre, nena de 11, nene de 9), acompaño al chico al colegio a la mañana y después estoy libre hasta que lo tengo que ir a buscar a las 15hs al cole (a 15 minutos de la casa) y me quedó con él y con la nena que vuelve sola hasta las 18hs cuando vuelve el padre, habitualmente hago la cena porque no tengo nada mejor que hacer estoy obsesionada con la comida soy así de generosa. De momento no tengo ni idea que hacer con mi tiempo libre (que incluye los fines de semana), el mismo hecho de que haya tantas posibilidades (me dan 70 libras a la semana para mis gastos) no hace sino complicarme la elección (teatro amateur?, grupos de lectura?, cursos universitarios?, fans londinenses?) así que, naturalmente, lo único que hice de momento es recorrer el barrio, leer, encontrar bibliotecas, reservar libros... y comprar cosas básicas como limas de uñas.

Hoy salí con otras chicas que están haciendo lo mismo que yo, estuvo bien pero no sé, hablan poco inglés y se hace agotador explicarme y ayudarlas a explicarse. Ya hablar en inglés TODO el tiempo es un poco pesado (también que hablo con gente con la que no tengo rutinas y relaciones establecidas) y con ellas...uff, me hicieron caminar un montón además! XD. Pero bueno, como experiencia estuvo bien y por ahí vamos a un museo o alguna ciudad juntas. Ninguna tenía pinta de ser del tipo de persona que se iría a Gales para conocer, Hay-on-Wye, también conocida como la ciudad de los libros pero no hay que ser superficial (although, if I was, I would have to say one of them was extremely hot) y juzgar por las apariencias.

Bue, me voy a cenar que hoy no cociné yo y vamos a comer chirivía/ pastinaca es una cosa tipo zanahoria pero blanca. Yo sólo había escuchado el nombre en inglés. En fin, comida casera (no cocinada or mí) = yay.

evalangui: (Default)

I was telling Irati right now how I had almost convinced myself it wasn't real (Buenos Aires as I remembered it) and how I think it kinda fucked me up to discover it was and that maybe that's what made this last year so hard, my interest in university basically disappear, etc.

Maybe you should REALLY not return to the places where you have been happy, I always thought it didn't make sense but maybe THAT's what they meant, that if you do then you would be happy again and want to return again BUT not stay because HI, you've been somewhere all that time too and you can't go back to being happy in place A so then you want to be in two places at once and you're royally fucked.

Ok, so there's a VERY IMPORTANT POINT to all this. Maybe you've heard this story before but I need to tell it again, skip as needed. When I eighteen we were being talked about university and our futures in high-school in Figueres and I suddenly understood something: "I can't stay here". I had been living in Spain for three and a half years after leaving Buenos Aires at the peak of my social life and general happiness, I had been living in a place where for the first two years almost everybody had seen my difference as a defect and then, after I started the last two years of high-school in a new school, as something attention perhaps funny but where nobody had understood it, or me. I don't know if it would have helped meeting Aura or Irati sooner, I still would have refused to be anything but myself, I still would have to translate my thoughts to be understood, I still would have felt opressed and like I didn't fit. It's been another four years, guess what? I still don't fit, I have been much happier since I started university, not because I have met people who have made me so, truthfully, although I have met some people that maybe could (maybe) have. I have been happier because I have been doing something worthwhile that for the most part I loved to do. But this last year, thanks to Bologna and other assorted reasons, like my family being insane, that has stopped being enough and I have been looking for a way out. After my stay in London in 2007 it seemed like the perfect hideout, like a place where maybe I could be myself to the fullest, without any kind of constraints, where I could be young and stop worrying about everybody else. Aura suggested things like I volunteer to the European Youth Organization, my mum wanted me to make contact with the Jewish community in London, then Aura also suggested being an au pair (the au pair agency was called Avalon, I have become an avid fan of the BBC series "Merlin", plus "kids are easy", I thought it was a sign. If you do not understand why it is quite pointless to try to). I'm talking to the agency and families and I will let you know how it goes but it's a plausible plan.

Meanwhile, I will visit a tiny piece of home in the form of the Atlantic ocean, Irati and Aura, all residing in Galicia at the moment. By doing all this I'm fucking up the "don't return" rule TWICE because I was happy in both Galicia and London but since I can't be in two places at once I may as well be unable to be in four, right?

evalangui: (odio la vida real)
De mis tres semanas en Manchester, algunas conclusiones:

Los Manchesterianos son re mala onda con los turistas, tienen el PEOR acento el mundo y vos te quedas: sorry, otra vez? y se enojan! Me refiero a la gente en las ventanillas de los servicios de transporte público, a quienes incluso creo que les molesta mi acento americano (a pesar de que como con Mijal tengo que hablar en castellano cuando hay que trasmitir un mensaje rápido tienen que saber que americana en ese sentido no soy. De hecho, ya ni estoy segura de tener un acento americano) La gente en la calle tiene mejor onda pero la gente "oficial", una mierda. Supongo que no están acostumbrados al turismo o algo, pero, en serio, no podes enojarte cuando una persona que no habla inglés como primera lengua no te entiende super-rápido, especialmente si no hay cola ni nada.
De Agosto 2008 (Manchester: Mijal & Johanna)
ms fotos )
Miedo desconocido, miedo por conocer, miedo a lo que esta vivo, miedo a lo que puede dejar de ser.

Miedo por lo que no he dicho aún y debo decir antes del final, miedo por esas cosas que sé nunca me dirás y necesito saber como necesito respirar. Miedo por tu confianza, que no sé dónde está. Miedo por el olvido y por los recuerdos del mal. Miedo por la belleza que se perderá, miedo por tu sonrisa que desaparecerá, miedo por esas cosas que son tan perfectas que no pueden durar.

Miedo a la soledad, miedo a la compañía, miedo a la muerte y miedo a la misma vida. Miedo por si no vuelves, miedo por si cambiar, miedo por si las cosas no salen bien al final. Miedo por si ya no me quieres al volver, miedo de que me olvides o cambies de parecer. Miedo por si no entiendo que pasó en nuestra vida cuando mire hacia atrás, miedo del pasado y de lo que vendrá. Miedo de los detalles y la generalidad y miedo sobre todo, de no amarte más.

evalangui: (books)
It has been brought to my attention that I never posted a conclusion to the Buenos Aires trip (Thanks, Ana) and now, in English because I’m Manchester and Laila has always felt too special to read my journal anyway, I will try.

Buenos Aires was everything I expected, and not

Everything I remembered, but not

My old house was bigger, my old neighbourhood more decaying

My grandparents were older, more themselves and for the first time clearly at risk of being no more

My cousins were strangers whose faces sometimes did not even fit and who could not trust me

but who, sometimes, did TRY to trust me and recover what had been lost and what had never been

Buenos Aires wanted to make me hers but I didn’t quite (fit), not any longer fourteen, or so Jewish, or so purely Bonaerense, or so innocent as to believe her perfect

Buenos Aires feels like someone I once fell in love with, someone who believes that, deep down, I never stop loving her

And there were the people I most mourned leaving behind (Lai, Eli) and some people I could not really remember why I liked but I ended up liking even more (Yami, Tami) and new people I would like to get to know some more (Cari, Rodrigo).

It was worth it, Ana, it was also stressful and painful at times, but it was SO worth it.

Also, somehow or other I acquired many things I love: clothes, make up (hey, it was free!), books, jewels (my bobe, but at least I got to change the 15-nail-sized hearts for a regular silver chain) and, of course, sweets aplenty. *shows pictures*

Fotos & más detalles )
My paternal grandmother, Blanca, has been slowly getting worse, health-wise, she's almost ninety now and she's always dotted on me but we have never been close, being too different age and personality wise (she's such a peacemaker). I do love her, with the love of distant things, but I have always expected to lose her and I feel more affected by others pain than by my own, to the point I don't know if my own does exist at all. I remember a friend telling me she felt guilty for not feeling badly about a similar situation but I refuse to, blood is no thicker than water and although my grandmother has always been nice to me we never quite managed to connect. I'm glad she got to see us one last time more than I'm glad I got to see her. Now again,I have never been any good at being sad and even before she started feeling especially badly physically speaking there was nothing very happy about her at all. And still, if I think about it, she is my favourite grandparent.

Cousin ranking has also changed radically: Miranda and Rodrigo are at the top, where Rocio used to be. I didn’t get to talk much to some of them, time limits, etc. But, you know, as far as I can tell :p

This post is all over the place, I am a bit myself, it might not seem to fit me but I'm quite fond of the reliability of routine and this summer has been fun but hard.
evalangui: (odio la vida real)

I'm in Manchester and so far London is so much better. Of course, I haven't been to the Gay Village but really, why are there so many people who are not nice? Is it Mijal scaring them away or is it them? Maybe it's me being too hyper because of all the stress of Buenos Aires plus all the stress of getting here... Anyway, it's not me with the student university residence and their whole unclear concept on CLEANLINESS (and I mean that of bedsheets, bathrooms and kitchens.

Anyway, we're making do but we're both exhausted.

EDIT 14-08:

La verdad es que no tengo muchas energias para escribir sobre Manchester. Londres me gustó más pero más allá de eso… por ahí el Orgullo que empieza mañana lo compensa. Pero la residencia que nos tocó UNA MIERDA. Estamos paseando, es lindo pero estar con Mijal también lo hace distinto (piensa que estoy pirada mal y es ella la que quiere parase a comprar una Sprite cada vez que tiene sed cuando estamos a 4 cuadras de casa)… Tienen una biblioteca preciosa y como este año me traje el carnet universitario me dieron membresia plena y puedo sacar lo que quiera :) Hay un montón de boludeces lindísimas, como paraguas y medias hasta por encima de la rodilla.

La arquitectura también es bastante espectacular y estoy aprovechando la panorámica. Mijal mañana va a ver Flashdance al teatro (sola, yo ni en pedo gasto guita en eso y ella quería una entrada de 21 libras para ver bien). Por ahí le dejó el móvil para que filme….


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January 2012

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