evalangui: (Karma)


I have always enjoyed things I’m good at, no, not just good, good without trying, excellent when I do try. But it’s a risky business, being very good at something, what if you don’t measure up this time? What if you are not as good as you thought? Every opportunity is a chance to prove yourself but also to prove yourself wrong. There’s a freedom to doing and liking things that you’re not very good at instead, or just, you know, regular. Normal. If you’re never going to succeed then you can also never fail, you can be good sometimes and bad other times and it’s alright. I’m never going to be a professional skater, I can be in the ice and make a fool of myself and enjoy it, no reservations, no points besides itself. This is the way I feel about drawing, too. I always knew, even as an idea or an image got into my head and I spent hours trying to make a piece of paper take it in the right way. Even when some drabbling turned unusually good I knew it wasn’t me, it was not a perfectly controlled effort, it was just a happy accident that I had gotten it right even once. Trying to go to class to study this made me competitive and it ruined everything, I was a mess, it didn’t flow, it didn’t come. Until at one point I somehow got over myself and just tried something new (charcoal, ink), not copying like I was meant to do but taking inspiration pretty closely, a bit of something new to learn, a bit of something old so it’d feel mine and make sense. And I learned, I really did, in a way I don’t think I have since I was very young and learning how to draw horses from my mom. In a way that isn’t a exploration of the very same things, of the very same style again and again. And it feels wonderful, to know you’re getting somewhere personally, that you’re stretching yourself slowly and that you simply cannot fall.

If I could only convince myself of the same in regards to writing... maybe I would stop writing short-stories with arguments based on bonding fics and parodies and totally random magic and be able to write those epics I keep coming up with (one of those is based, although it does not contain, on mpregs). Although the one with the princess and the cheff could go either way, really.

I have to go back to researching the British universitary system now since I'm tired of going to ice-rinks only to discover they are closed to the point my legs hurt from walking.

Hope you're having a good day!

evalangui: (reality is overrated)
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book / ebook / fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

English Fact of the Day: The creative writing thing was made of fail. It was by no means a class or a seminar but the teacher felt he had to earn his keep anyway, which he took to mean he had to be the only one to comment at length on people's work. And people, were 35 to 80 something women and one man, I felt very out of place, to say the least and felt that it was more like a support group than a place where one gets constructive criticism (I didn't feel comfortable pointing out the inconsistencies I saw because it didn't seem to be the point of the class.) Anyway, it's the first paid thing I go to and it sucks but I think it was my mistake, really, coz it is called "Writing For Pleasure", I just didn't imagine the teacher would say that literary analysis drained inspiration! WTF. I think an actual class (I feel like my brain is jumpy because I haven't given it enough to process) will work much better, no matter the subject.
evalangui: (Default)
Day one: a song
Day two: a picture
Day three: a book / ebook / fanfic
Day four: a site
Day five: a youtube clip
Day six: a quote
Day seven: whatever tickles your fancy

English Fact of the Day: Tomorrow evening I'm goint to a creative writing seminar :D There'll be a class each week, I haven't been writing much fiction, lately, can't quite make any characters como alive for me, it's been happening for a while, really. Mostly I think it's due to the fanfic and to that time in 2005 when I decided to write a super humongous novel using Harry and Draco as inspiration for the main characters and, further more, created a super complex world and culture to go with them (Darcia & Yuruan), this was obviously cheating (because it wasn't fanfic) because of course I knew Harry and Draco as well as myself and could predict what Darcia and Yuruan would feel and do (I only had to check with the character right behind them!) and although they were identical they shared a personality and quite a few very relevant circumstances (orphanhood, magic, money, a magic school!). I was young, whatever, but I'm kind of afraid to get in that deep again, I think, because it was way more than I could handle (and the plot didn't work because I had been character and world-builiding) so that's why I have kind of abandoned the biracial gay with kidfic story (I think I might need to transplant a personality into the main character if I ever want to get it done, he's the dullest Hufflepuff ever or maybe I need to learn something about race so I can write about it as something other than "a fundamental difference", but I very much doubt all the literature in the world could make me really understand enough to feel comfortable talking about it). Then, in the last two stories I finished (Bella Despierta & Lovers but not in Love) the characters felt kind of flat, even though I started writing LbniL in 2007 and so I know Didac and Ganymides quite well, with Bella Despierta I suppose it's more natural since it's a fairytale retelling and the point of the story was being funny and satyrical. Anyway, I think the seminar is a good idea.
evalangui: (Default)
 

The beginning of the school year is always a crazy time, especially when you are given a choice about which classes to take and your university hires plenty of incompetents to teach them. I’m pretty sure my classmates think I’m crazy for leaving classes because of the teacher but a teacher makes a class much more than the topic for me. I have taken grammar classes with good teachers and thoroughly enjoyed them, and believe me, much as a I like English, grammar is a hard thing to actually enjoy.

I’m at war with my parents, again, since they seem to feel the household was much better off while I was absent I have decided to let them see how they work things out if I follow Mijal’s example of cooking for myself, cleaning for myself(well, actually, Mijal rarely does this) and stop trying to make the kids do anything at all. See how much fun my mom has next week having to keep things up by herself when she has to work often and at inconvenient times, I’m done with stressing myself over things to be told I’m a nuisance.

Otra cosa de la que realmente quería dejar constancia es de que hoy doy por terminada “Bella Despierta”, obviamente, es un remake de la bella durmiente. Considerando que me tomó  1 año y 1 mes acabarla y que sólo tiene 20.500 palabras/60 páginas, es obvio que nunca podría vivir de la escritura (even if it was any good) pero me gusta bastante. La última revisión la hice de una forma un poco extraña, intenté grabar un audiolibro, resulta que ayuda mucho escucharlo todo en voz alta para darse cuenta de lo que suena fatal y de lo que no tiene ningún sentido.

evalangui: (Default)
001 . A veces una piensa: ojalá no hiciera falta decir estas cosas a estas alturas, explicárle a la gente que vive en una caja que se les armo, ¿pero de que viviríamos si no quedaran cosas por pensar? por hacer? por decir?, ¿Qué habría en el mundo de maravilloso si tuvieramos todas las respuestas? Nada. La absoluta felicidad (si llegaramos a eso con todo el conocimiento) debe ser un absoluto embole. Así que les desearía "felices fiestas" pero para ser más exacta, les deseo que esta semana que viene, y la otra y la otra, aprendan algo nuevo, que encuentren algo que les ilumine todo el mundo, que ayude a que las cosas tengan sentido, porque siempre felices no se puede ser pero siempre se puede entender.

The year is almost over and I have just counted: 27 entries. Is it too little? Is it too much? I know I haven’t published anything I have written in a long time, even though I can’t stop writing and I haven’t this past year. I have three huge stories (as of now: 49.000, 21.000 and 12.000 words) I’m working on. My father says they aren’t worth anything if i don’t finish them but even if I never finish them they are worth a lot to me, those characters won’t ever go away, those parts of myself I put in there and now know better aren’t going back to fuzzy. Writing is not about producing books or stories, it’s about writing, because the sole act of writing itself it’s producing something: knowledge, enjoyment. And yeah, it’s just for me, but who else was I supposed to be writing for?

------

002 . Are you a woman?, scratch that, are you human? Read this. It’s long, I know, and it’s not easy if your English vocabulary it’s not that of a native but it might change your view of yourself, of the world you live in and the one you want to live in. I’m planning to translate it myself or find and scan a translated copy that supposedly exists. For now, have these fragments:
La mayoría de las traducciones son mías, otras prestadas (de este pequeño fragmento que tradujeron)

"female sexual slavery is present in ALL situations where women or girls cannot change the conditions of their existence; where regardless of how they got into those conditions, e g., social pressure, economic hardship, misplaced trust or the longing for affection, they cannot get out; and where they are subject to sexual violence and exploitation."

“La esclavitud sexual femenina está presente en TODAS las situaciones en que las mujeres o niñas no pueden cambiar las condiciones de su existencia. Donde, sin importar como llegaron a esas situaciones (Ej. Presión social, dificultades económicas, confiando en la gente equivocada o por necesidad de cariño) no pueden salir de ellas; situaciones en las que son sujetas a violencia sexual y explotación”




003 . Into a completely different topic, I haven’t told you about The Breakfast Club! How silly of me to forget, or maybe I was too dazed by Bender to notice. I came across this strangely named dramedy in fanfic, Resonant, one of the BNFs of the HP fandom, wrote a fic about what happened to two of the characters of this movie: Bender and Brian, when they met again years later. The argument of the film is quite simple, five teenagers get detention on Saturday and get put on the library to write an essay “what I learnt today”. They are, apparently: a jock, a whack-job, a princess, a criminal and a brain. But during the course of that day they will realize there’s much more to each other than that, and that all of them are pretty fucked up in their own ways. I shall not lie to you, the movie won’t have worked half so well without Bender, the criminal. Angry, spiteful, failing school, a sharp tongue that will not stop short of tearing the others to shreds for their quite human weaknesses, he confronts them about their inconsistencies but is unable to accept his own. He is unable to stop working against his own interests and so his pride and the apathy he pretends to feel are his fatal weakness. Just watch it, you will laugh. And when you are done, if you are bent that way, go and read Resonant’s “Higher Education” , in fact, I read it before watching the movie and it was a wonderful story all the same, so read it either way.

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January 2012

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